Jurassic World: Rebirth is easily one of the worst films I’ve seen in a long time; and that’s saying something when Snow White (2025) is also on the radar. While I skipped Jurassic World Dominion, I can’t imagine it being worse than this hollow, uninspired slog through yet another dino island.

This time, the story picks up five years after Dominion, with Earth’s environment hostile to surviving dinosaurs. A covert team led by Zora Bennett (Scarlett Johansson) is hired by ParkerGenix to capture three massive prehistoric species for a pharmaceutical miracle drug. Of course, they run into a shipwrecked civilian family, failed mutant experiments, and a mutant six-limbed T-Rex. On paper, it sounds fun; in execution, it’s mind-numbingly dull.

None of the characters feel worth rooting for. Zora joins the mission for money, the team members blend together, and the stranded family has no admirable or charismatic qualities. With too many faces, there’s no emotional hook or standout personality. Mahershala Ali, Jonathan Bailey, Rupert Friend, and the rest do their best, but the screenplay, editing, and direction give them nothing to work with.

The action is laughably generic. After a lengthy setup, the island sequences mostly blend into bland forest exploration, standard chases, and half-baked thrills. One sequence with a sleeping T-Rex and an inflatable boat is mildly tense, but most of the film evaporates from memory instantly.

Admittedly, my experience wasn’t helped by an RPX auditorium packed with 450 people and zero working AC. However, I highly doubt climate control would have made this exciting. Even the original films, for all their silly moments, had practical effects and a sense of wonder. Rebirth has none of that; it’s a by-the-numbers soulless franchise extension.

There’s a late-movie “sacrifice” that should’ve added weight but fizzles when the film chickens out at the last second to commit to that choice. By the time the credits rolled, I felt as stranded as the characters, except I wanted off this island long before they did.

The VFX and cinematography are fine. But when the dinosaurs feel like stock CGI, the thrills don’t thrill, and the story goes nowhere new, what’s the point?

If you’re a die-hard Jurassic fan, maybe curiosity will drag you in. For everyone else? Skip this title.